Let’s face it: giving advice to younger people can feel like talking to a brick wall. You’re sharing wisdom from years of experience, but they’re scrolling on their phone, nodding politely, or outright dismissing you. It’s frustrating, right? But before you throw your hands up and declare, “Kids these days!” let’s dig into why this happens—and how you can still connect with them in a way that resonates.

The Science Behind Why They Tune You Out

  1. The Brain is Wired Differently
    Younger people, especially those in their teens and early 20s, are in a unique developmental stage. Their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and weighing consequences—is still maturing. This means they’re more likely to prioritize short-term rewards over long-term wisdom (thanks, biology!).At the same time, their limbic system—the emotional center of the brain—is in overdrive. This makes them highly sensitive to peer approval and resistant to anything that feels like authority or control. So, when you offer advice, it might trigger their “rebellion mode” rather than their “aha, that’s helpful” mode.
  2. The “I’ve Got This” Illusion
    Younger people are in a phase of life where they’re figuring out their identity and independence. Accepting advice can feel like admitting they don’t know what they’re doing—which clashes with their desire to prove they’re capable. Psychologists call this the illusion of invulnerability: they believe they’re the exception to the rule (“That won’t happen to me!”).
  3. The Information Overload Era
    Unlike previous generations, younger people have access to endless information at their fingertips. They’re used to Googling, YouTubing, or TikTok-ing their way to answers. If your advice doesn’t feel relevant or relatable, it’s easy for them to dismiss it as outdated or out of touch.

The Pros and Cons of Giving Advice

Pros:

  • You have life experience they don’t. Your advice could save them time, pain, or mistakes.
  • Sharing wisdom can strengthen your relationship—if done right.
  • It shows you care, which can foster trust and connection over time.

Cons:

  • Unsolicited advice can feel condescending or controlling, leading to resistance.
  • If your advice is too prescriptive, it can stifle their ability to learn through experience.
  • They might perceive your advice as irrelevant if it doesn’t align with their values or worldview.

How to Get Your Message Through (Without the Eye Rolls)

  1. Listen First, Advise Second
    Instead of launching into a monologue, start by asking questions. For example:
    • “What’s your plan for handling this?”
    • “What do you think might go wrong?”
    • “How can I support you?”
    This shows respect for their autonomy and helps you understand their perspective. Once they feel heard, they’re more likely to be open to your input.
  2. Share Stories, Not Directives
    Instead of saying, “You should do X,” try sharing a personal story about a time you faced a similar situation. Stories are engaging, relatable, and less likely to trigger defensiveness. For example:
    • “When I was your age, I made a similar mistake, and here’s what I learned…”
    • “I had a friend who went through this, and here’s how it turned out…”
    Stories allow them to draw their own conclusions without feeling lectured.
  3. Frame Advice as Options, Not Rules
    Younger people value choice and flexibility. Instead of saying, “This is the right way to do it,” try:
    • “Here are a few options you could consider…”
    • “What do you think about trying X or Y?”
    This empowers them to make their own decisions while still benefiting from your wisdom.
  4. Be Relatable, Not Authoritative
    If you want your message to land, ditch the “back in my day” tone. Acknowledge that their world is different from yours and that you’re learning too. For example:
    • “I know things are different now, but here’s something that might still apply…”
    • “I’m not an expert on this, but here’s what I’ve noticed…”
    Humility and curiosity go a long way in building trust.
  5. Use Their Language and Mediums
    If you want to connect, meet them where they are. That might mean sending a helpful article, a funny meme, or even a voice note instead of a long lecture. If you’re tech-savvy, you could even share a quick TikTok or Instagram reel that aligns with your message.
  6. Let Them Fail (Within Reason)
    Sometimes, the best way to learn is through experience. If the stakes are low, let them make their own mistakes. Instead of saying, “I told you so,” be there to support them when things don’t go as planned. This builds trust and shows that you respect their journey.

Final Thoughts: It’s About Connection, Not Control

At the end of the day, younger people don’t want to feel like they’re being told what to do—they want to feel understood and supported. By approaching them with empathy, curiosity, and a willingness to adapt, you can bridge the generational gap and get your message through in a way that feels meaningful to them.

So, the next time you’re tempted to dish out advice, take a deep breath and ask yourself: How can I connect with them, not just correct them? When you shift your mindset from “I need to fix this” to “I want to support them,” you’ll find that your wisdom is not only heard but appreciated.

And who knows? They might even come to you for advice—on their own terms.